Cling onto the anger, that’s what I was told.

Every so often, we bottle things up inside of us, until, one day, all hell breaks loose. A long while ago, there was an incident in which all those bottled up feelings and thoughts came out, and things were said. And although those things that were said, needed to be said, I still felt very guilty about the whole situation.

That same week, I had my session with my therapist, and the situation was brought up and talked about. I expressed my guiltiness, and how bad I was feeling about it. And that even though I was feeling guilty, I also had a lot of anger. His advice, cling onto the anger. Guilt and anger are like oil and water, they don’t mix, he said. It may sound almost like bad advice, but you know what, he was right, and I stopped feeling guilty.

All that being said, time has passed, things have healed, and we have all moved on, and there’s no more guilt or anger.

Once upon a time, long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Annie and I were in the Cellular and Molecular Biology class together, taking a test. I must admit, for whatever reason, I struggled with that class, most likely the molecular part 🤮

Remember the Lion erasers?

During the exam, Annie throws me her eraser, I caught it, looked at her weirdly, like, “I have my own” and threw it back at her.

Little did I know, she had most of the answers written on it.

I failed that test.

I presume we all have these moments, these moments in which we are confronted by a situation, task, request, or question, and the first thing that pops up is, I don't know. But, do you really, don't know?

I have moments like so many times a day. This is the reason why I am sometimes, well, most of the time, scared of my work email. There are moments in which I would get a question or request, I read it, and at first, I panic, impostor syndrome kicks in, and my first thought is, I don't know.

Then, I have a sip of my coffee, or mate, whichever I am fancying that day, step back, calm myself down, breathe, and try to work my way into figuring it out.

But those moments of self-doubt, and the first thought I have when confronted with a "tough" situation, immediately sort of giving up and saying I don't know, they get me every single time.

Stop the lap dance I want to go home

What’s my line - annie mueller

We don’t know because we’re all such good actors, such good pretenders. We have a picture in our heads of how we are supposed to feel in any given situation. And we act it out, so well, so automatically, that we hardly even know we’re acting.

I very much relate to this, in my own way, I guess. Makes me think of those instances in which depression kicks in, and I am not entirely my “normal” self. And yet I still put up my act, I try my best to not break character – but do I really feel good?

Fake it until you make it, they say.

  Lee Peterson, AKA LJPUK on How to blog more from your smartphone.

First thing is remove all of your social media apps to a second home page or the App Library.
Second is put your blogging app on your main Home Screen.
That’s it.
Post your thoughts to your blog first.

Easy peasy!

I have to admit, I do 70% of my blogging, from my Macintosh mobile device, 25% from a computer device and a browser, and 5% from the iPad.

When using my Mac mobile device, Ulysses lives on my home screen, always has, and if, for whatever reason, it isn't, I fire up Drafts put my thoughts down, and then I can either send them to Ulysses or just post straight from Drafts.

Now I'll be taking a little bit of a tangent here. But because of the fact I blog mostly from my Mac mobile device, and not just blogging even editing photos, I often find myself wishing I had a bigger screen...

Love the mini but...

Well, that's another blog-post

I 💖 blogging

I have been blogging since, in some way, since 2015. At first, it was just for me in the form of private journaling, using DayOne. I wasn’t a super-avid blog reader, but I followed a few blogs that inspired me or planted the idea of starting my own blog. I very much remember reading Tim Nahumck’s blog and Seth Clifford’s (which sadly, does not exist anymore), Greetings from the Grid! Another blog I was reading at the time was Gabe’s at Macdrifter, I was a huge fan of both his Beer tracking app TapCellar, which crushed my feelings when it was discontinued, and there hasn’t been another good app since, or at least not like it, and of course, Matt Birchler’s. I remember when I was setting up my blog, which was hosted on WordPress at the time, asking Matt for his opinion on building my site, he probably doesn’t remember any of this, but I do.

Anyways, at the time, I wasn’t sure, what I really wanted to blog about. Given the people I was following, I thought tech would be the way to go, but I had a hard time with that. There are a few influences that I still carry with me to this date, Seth called it “Something I liked This Week” and Tim calls it, “Piques of the week”. I always liked those types of blog posts, so much so that today I do Something I Liked and A Game I have been playing.

The thing is that I knew that tech-related posts weren’t my thing. But it wasn’t until I moved my blog to Micro.blog, that I found my voice, which was simply to write about the things that interest me, to share stories and anything and everything that is in my mind. weather is in less than 280 characters or over 1500.

All of that is just to say that personal blogging has become my passion even if just one person reads it.

Now, tell me. Who or Whom, are your influences?

Gabz’s Log, Stardate 2023.01.12

I am in the third week so, 75% of the main story completion, or so I think. In an attempt to get a better S Class car, I spent lots of monies on a new car, some badass-looking Nissan Silvia. Also checked if I could make my current S car, A Mitsubishi Lancer a bit faster, which I did. However, I failed to realize that by doing so, now my Lancer is in S+ class, and there are no S+ class events in the third week, therefore I can only race with my Silvia which is pretty much stock. In short, I cannot use my Evo, and the Nissan is pretty much unusable in its current state. So, I could try to “grind” some money, which it would take some time, or… Or nothing, that is it, I need to grind, ugh!

Greetings!

Today was another scary drive to work. Because of the intense dense foggy conditions and the low temperatures, the roads were rather slippery. I must have slipped and slid a bit at least three times. I saw a few cars slightly losing control, and of course, visibility is very limited. I even saw plowers spraying that salty solution on the streets because of how bad the roads are.

In other news,

I did not forget my Yerba Mate today!

This was an interesting thing to have watched.

I have always been aware of the fact that the pictures we take with our phones are highly processed by software. Like some kind of technological wizardly witchcraft. Thus, someone could make the argument that using a “real” camera, is probably the purest form of art, as far as photography goes? I mean, at the end of the day, we use what we have and there’s no right or wrong way to do so. I personally prefer using my “real” camera most of the time but I also admit that I take more pictures with my phone and I am sometimes happy with the results too.

Need For Speed Unbound on The PlayStation5

The most infuriating, tough, super-cool-looking NFS game, I have probably ever played.

The Need For Speed franchise has been around for thousands of years, well, that's an exaggeration, but it's been around. I cannot recall the first NFD I ever played. I want to Say Need For Speed II, on the PS One but I could be wrong. I remember not enjoying that game as much. At the time I was full-on Gran Turismo. I never played another NFS game until 2003, when Need For Speed Underground came out. Remember?  

prrrum-dum-dum dun-dah-dum dah-dum dah-dum
3-6-9, damn you fine
Hoping she can sock it to me one more time
Get low, get low (get low), get low (get low), get low (get low)  +

😎😜

I still listen to the game's soundtrack to this day. Anyways, that was when I fell in love with the franchise. I have played, if not all of them, at least most of them ever since. With NFS Most Wanted being my favorite, I remember playing that game over and over again, Annie would sit and watch me play and give me tips on what to do during cop chases, so much fun!

Need For Speed Unbound is the latest entry, and I have to confess that when I first saw the trailer for it, I was a bit skeptical. Mainly because of the direction they took with the art style, it seemed too flashy and whimsical. So I was not entirely sure I would necessarily play it.  Until around Christmas time. There was (or is) a big sale on the PlayStation store, one game on sale was Gran Turismo 7 and the Deluxe version of NFS Unbound, both almost at the same price point. Long story short, I, spoilers, ended up purchasing Unbound. Why? Well, I knew I had a history with the franchise, I love the unrealism-ish of it, unlike GT7 which is a real-driving-simulator and has no story, NFS games do have a story not just driving around.

The art style is definitely very interesting, it is almost like Spiderman into the Spiderverse type of style. The car look kind of realistic, in contrast to the characters who look more cartoony, and yet it all works out so well. Then you have all these animated effects around the car for whenever you do a long leap and "fly" you get wings, or the smoke when drifting, are all cartoony but it doesn't feel wrong or look bad. It is actually quite fun. The game, like its predecessors, has a very strong soundtrack. My favorite song is definitely  Villano Antillano: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 51 by  Bizarrap & Villano Antillano 😎

Now, the gameplay. In many ways, this iteration of NFS feels or has a very different approach. This one follows the same formula, you have daylight races and nightly ones. In previous games, you'd make money out of the daily races, lots of it, and at night, street rep, at least on NFS Heat was like that, and you could pick any race or event you wanted. In Unbound, however, you need to buy your way into the races, there are some you don't have to pay to get in but very little money to be made, and this is what makes Unbound a little frustrating at times, particularly at the beginning of the game. It is not like you can get your car maxed out super-quick, and it is a struggle to get there. There were many races in which I would only make it 3rd place. They can be a little frustrating, is like you got to have a perfect run, no mistakes, no hitting other cars, not over drift, and have a perfect take off or you will lose the race. Yes, you can re-start a race if you so wish but keep in mind, you only have 10 re-starts for the whole week. I think the only events that I have mostly excelled in have been take-over events, which are mostly drifting and doing stunts. 

The way the story is setup it is a three or four weeks event, you do races day and night, from Monday through Friday, and this is where you race, make money and fix your car, then on Saturday night, is the qualifier. Not only do you need to be making money to buy your way into races and fix your car but also, to buy your way into the qualifier, and the qualifier, ain't cheap. The qualifier is a series of three races, and drivers get eliminated in each one until there are only three of you. You win monies and a car, of course.

Cop Chases! Ugh!!! GRRRR!! Mother@#%

As you complete races, you gain heat, which determines basically the amount of trouble you're in with the cops, and the cops in this game, do not fool around. Well, they do, at levels 1 through 3, I would say.  Levels 4 and up, is where things get hairy. You get the regular patrols, Interceptors (those are policemen driving them Corvettes, easy to take out, though), 4WD SUBs, Helicopters, big SWAT pickup trucks, and Undercover cars. And is not just one helicopter, you get two and they are a pain, at least until you find some tunnels or something to hide. There have been times when I have spent more time running from cops and trying to make it to a safe house than racing. Or once I have escaped, I am hiding somewhere with my car turned off just waiting for the opportunity to get out and drive. I don't know, perhaps I just suck at running from the cops, who knows. It adds a level of intensity and stress that I don't remember having from other games in the series.

Even Annie tells me, If it's so draining, why do you keep playing it?

Well, darling, I am a sucker for punishment I guess!

And yes, at times it feels a little draining, which is why I take breaks from playing this game, I go one or two days without playing it. I am in the third week now, racing category S cars, did one race so far and lost.

Fun game, though!

Need For Speed Unbound on The PlayStation5

The most infuriating, tough, super-cool-looking NFS game, I have probably ever played.

The Need For Speed franchise has been around for thousands of years, well, that's an exaggeration, but it's been around. I cannot recall the first NFD I ever played. I want to Say Need For Speed II, on the PS One but I could be wrong. I remember not enjoying that game as much. At the time I was full-on Gran Turismo. I never played another NFS game until 2003, when Need For Speed Underground came out. Remember?  

prrrum-dum-dum dun-dah-dum dah-dum dah-dum
3-6-9, damn you fine
Hoping she can sock it to me one more time
Get low, get low (get low), get low (get low), get low (get low)  +

😎😜

I still listen to the game's soundtrack to this day. Anyways, that was when I fell in love with the franchise. I have played, if not all of them, at least most of them ever since. With NFS Most Wanted being my favorite, I remember playing that game over and over again, Annie would sit and watch me play and give me tips on what to do during cop chases, so much fun!

Need For Speed Unbound is the latest entry, and I have to confess that when I first saw the trailer for it, I was a bit skeptical. Mainly because of the direction they took with the art style, it seemed too flashy and whimsical. So I was not entirely sure I would necessarily play it.  Until around Christmas time. There was (or is) a big sale on the PlayStation store, one game on sale was Gran Turismo 7 and the Deluxe version of NFS Unbound, both almost at the same price point. Long story short, I, spoilers, ended up purchasing Unbound. Why? Well, I knew I had a history with the franchise, I love the unrealism-ish of it, unlike GT7 which is a real-driving-simulator and has no story, NFS games do have a story not just driving around.

The art style is definitely very interesting, it is almost like Spiderman into the Spiderverse type of style. The car look kind of realistic, in contrast to the characters who look more cartoony, and yet it all works out so well. Then you have all these animated effects around the car for whenever you do a long leap and "fly" you get wings, or the smoke when drifting, are all cartoony but it doesn't feel wrong or look bad. It is actually quite fun. The game, like its predecessors, has a very strong soundtrack. My favorite song is definitely  Villano Antillano: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 51 by  Bizarrap & Villano Antillano 😎

Now, the gameplay. In many ways, this iteration of NFS feels or has a very different approach. This one follows the same formula, you have daylight races and nightly ones. In previous games, you'd make money out of the daily races, lots of it, and at night, street rep, at least on NFS Heat was like that, and you could pick any race or event you wanted. In Unbound, however, you need to buy your way into the races, there are some you don't have to pay to get in but very little money to be made, and this is what makes Unbound a little frustrating at times, particularly at the beginning of the game. It is not like you can get your car maxed out super-quick, and it is a struggle to get there. There were many races in which I would only make it 3rd place. They can be a little frustrating, is like you got to have a perfect run, no mistakes, no hitting other cars, not over drift, and have a perfect take off or you will lose the race. Yes, you can re-start a race if you so wish but keep in mind, you only have 10 re-starts for the whole week. I think the only events that I have mostly excelled in have been take-over events, which are mostly drifting and doing stunts. 

The way the story is setup it is a three or four weeks event, you do races day and night, from Monday through Friday, and this is where you race, make money and fix your car, then on Saturday night, is the qualifier. Not only do you need to be making money to buy your way into races and fix your car but also, to buy your way into the qualifier, and the qualifier, ain't cheap. The qualifier is a series of three races, and drivers get eliminated in each one until there are only three of you. You win monies and a car, of course.

Cop Chases! Ugh!!! GRRRR!! Mother@#%

As you complete races, you gain heat, which determines basically the amount of trouble you're in with the cops, and the cops in this game, do not fool around. Well, they do, at levels 1 through 3, I would say.  Levels 4 and up, is where things get hairy. You get the regular patrols, Interceptors (those are policemen driving them Corvettes, easy to take out, though), 4WD SUBs, Helicopters, big SWAT pickup trucks, and Undercover cars. And is not just one helicopter, you get two and they are a pain, at least until you find some tunnels or something to hide. There have been times when I have spent more time running from cops and trying to make it to a safe house than racing. Or once I have escaped, I am hiding somewhere with my car turned off just waiting for the opportunity to get out and drive. I don't know, perhaps I just suck at running from the cops, who knows. It adds a level of intensity and stress that I don't remember having from other games in the series.

Even Annie tells me, If it's so draining, why do you keep playing it?

Well, darling, I am a sucker for punishment I guess!

And yes, at times it feels a little draining, which is why I take breaks from playing this game, I go one or two days without playing it. I am in the third week now, racing category S cars, did one race so far and lost.

Fun game, though!