Today’s workout was pretty awkward. When it comes to “conventional” training, I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I have been training using kettlebells or unconventional training for so long that I feel like I’ve lost that knowledge in some way.

Today was leg day (the best day) and I had decided to do some squats with the barbell like most people do. It felt so weird, as if I never had my form right. On top of that, the two lady trainers were exactly where I was and it made me feel super uncomfortable and awkward 😅. I just wanted to finish my rounds and move on to the room I’d normally workout in, away from everyone else.

Once I was in that room with a heavy kettlebell, I was home, I was safe. I don’t know, it is a weird feeling.

This weekend, was a good weekend. Yesterday Annie went out with her friends for some zip lining in Tamarack, here in the Idahos. Meanwhile, I spent the afternoon with the girls, Annie’s brother, his wife, and their kid, at the water park and later at the community’s pool.

Today, after picking up around the house, we all went for pedicures. It only took 40 years for me to get my first one.

Now we are closing this fine weekend with some pizza, and beer, beer for the adults only that is.

It is a super-chill morning today, so far. It rained last night and we are still getting a little drizzle. It is currently 66 degrees outside and the highest will be 86. The coffee is good, as good as Starbucks coffee can get, that is. I had a decent night’s sleep, and a good breakfast, it is quiet in the office and my boss won’t be around today. So today, I am Gaby, and not “Hey, Gaby!”

I am liking today so far.

Playing: Don’t Know Why by Norah Jones

It has been now about three nights of less than 4 hours of sleep, 3 hours max. Why? The fuck I know (laughs). I haven’t changed anything, and still taking my sleeping pills, and yet, for whatever reason, can’t seem to have a good night’s rest.

The only times I can sleep well is if I drink, and, I am sure as hell, that I don’t want to rely on the drinking. My humor seems fine though, I am chirpy and as focused, and alert as I can muster. Maybe a little snarky every now and then but that’s normal in my personality I think.

It is messing up my workout routine, though. I am yet to skip any days, well except for Monday, but no matter how exhausted I am feeling, I have managed to go to the gym and do my sesh the past two days. But I struggled and today, it won’t be any different.

Silly Gabz, you need to listen to your body and get some rest.

Yes, perhaps but I can’t help it at this point, I just go and do things.

Perhaps I need to try something different.

I like sleeping, I’ve just forgotten how to I guess.

I love my job like I truly do and I’m happy to do the things I do, no matter how overwhelming they might seem at times. Today we had a meeting, something about core competencies for each level. Technician, Analyst, I think then it’s Technical Expert and Manager level.

When looking at that slide and all the different buckets and their competencies within those buckets, I came to a realization. I have more buckets than what my current level is described as. My current position is, on paper, at a technical level, when in reality, I match all the Analyst’s buckets. I have been doing what would seem like a 60K job for 47K. These are made-up numbers but you get the idea.

In a way felt like a slap in the face that I wasn’t looking to get. But probably a necessary one. Why go above and beyond when I am getting the bare minimum? I don’t want to sound ungrateful or something but can’t help to be somewhat bothered by it.

Not sure what will happen from here, definitely will have a talk with my manager on our next 1-on-1 (which is tomorrow). And for sure, I don’t want to become a little bitter, or discouraged, and lower my standards in the work I do and the passion I have for it.