When I was much younger I feel like I was a lot more impulsive and much more foolish. I would probably react harshly and foolishly to almost anything that would bother me or set me off. While driving would be the perfect example and where my story for today sort of revolves around. If I had someone cut me off or trying to, I would get riled up and drive like a maniac and be a butthole just so that somebody wouldn’t be able to do what they are trying to do. If I saw someone doing something reckless on the road I would probably somehow react in the same manner to that as well and so on.
With the years, I think, I have learned to not giving a fuck, anymore-ish. And yet I do? I do control myself much better now. My question now is, now that I can control the way I react to things. How do I stop things from still either emotionally or mentally affect me? How do I stop giving a fuck, truly?
This morning on my way to work, I saw these two cars, trying to cut on the front of everybody at any chance they’ve got. We are driving on a one-lane road until right before the stoplight (there are several of them) and once you pass the stoplight it turns into a one-lane road again. If it was younger me, I would have taken off as fast as I could to prevent these two cars to cut on the front of me and the others because they were too impatient to just “stay-in-line” like everybody else. Now though, I just don’t care, I am not in a hurry, I am sipping on my delicious Puerto Rican coffee and my workplace won’t go anywhere. And even so that on the outside I seem cool and not giving a fuck about the situation and not reacting harshly, it still bothered me a little bit. I still had these thoughts and saying in my head “you two are gonna end up at the same stop no matter what, you idiots” which they did actually. I don’t like having these thoughts, they are a waste and all they can do is to ruin my mental state.
I am saying I don’t give a fuck about certain things anymore but I still might get bothered by them. So How do I stop that? Is it even possible? Or having the emotions and thoughts it’s okay as long as I keep them in check and don’t react foolishly?
Who knows?
